When Others Look Down On You For Getting Divorced
My *personal* story began when I was 17-years-old. I’d never dated, never had my first kiss or even so much as held hands with anyone. No romance; no experience. I had an older friend who signed up for an account on a dating site, and she contacted me to ask if I could sign up, too, using her as a referral. She would get 10 extra (free) days if she did. This was a paid service site, but the first 10 days were free, unless someone signs up and uses you as a referral. I did. She got her free days, and I started receiving messages from several men who saw my profile and wanted to chat. One of those guys was a 19-year-old who lived a few states away. I read his profile and thought he seemed like my type, and we exchanged phone numbers.
Long story short, we were married just three months later. He was my one and only. We had our ups and downs, just as any couple would. We were together for 8 1/2 years. That’s when he confessed to me that he was having an affair. I was heart broken, to say the least, and felt like my world was falling apart. For years, he had struggled with secretly being bisexual, and I had no idea. He was addicted to porn and I don’t know how many affairs he had or for how long. All I know is the marriage ended and I was left alone. After a month of solitude my mom asked me to move in with her, so I did. I lived with her for a little over a year.
I met a man who said he’d been watching me the whole time I lived with my mom. He said he “wanted to talk to me for at least a year, but was too nervous and afraid”. Honestly, I felt very flattered. He knew about my separation, and I was actually still legally married at the time, but he went to the courthouse with me and helped me finish the divorce process. He was my “character witness”. Well, I only knew him for a few days, and he asked me to move in with him. He said he cared so much about me and was so thrilled that I was with him. After the humiliation I’d experienced with my ex-husband cheating on me and then running off, the fact that this man saw me as desirable helped me get out of that mindset of being a reject. People who knew him were congratulating him, and confirmed to me that he spent a whole year trying to talk to me, but couldn’t get the nerve “until now”.
Within four months we were married.
Some people were happy for us, and others weren’t. My *new* husband had never been married before, and everyone knew that I was. This was now my second husband, and I was his first wife. Those who knew and didn’t like that I’d been previously married and divorced had unpleasant feelings towards me. I was thrown into the spotlight now as “another man’s trash that he (my second husband) picked up”. It wasn’t about sex, either. My current husband had been in a serious relationship in the past, but because they never got married, he was exempt. Some who criticized me had been with many sex partners over the years, but since they were never legally married, they, too, were exempt. I was ridiculed by religious circles who said that I would go to Hell because I remarried; that God wouldn’t accept me because of it. It was humiliation round two for me.
Again, I was only 17-years-old when I got married. I had just turned 26 when the marriage crashed. I had been faithful all of those years, and never thought the marriage would end. I believed with all my heart that we were a forever couple, and never even considered the possibility of divorce.
Because of that marriage – and divorce – I was now labeled “trash”.
For a while, I was ashamed of my past. I believed that I was second rate because of it. It’s taken me four years now to finally realize that I have no reason to be ashamed. Yes, I was married before. I didn’t have children with my ex-husband, and he hasn’t been a part of my life since 2011. I’m not proud of that marriage, but I can’t change the past. Besides, everything we all do becomes a part of our life story. I know there are people who think I’m disgusting and I’ve been accused of being a slut, among other things, simply because of that first marriage. They think only a whore would remarry.
Well, I have news for those of you who think that way. YOU ARE WRONG.
I’m not trash, and if you’re a victim of the remarriage criticism and harassment, then I want to encourage you. You’re not trash, and you’re not a bad person. The past is just that – the PAST. None of us should be labeled such terrible things, especially when we’re faithful. I’ve come to realize that it really doesn’t and shouldn’t matter what others think. Just be yourself, and be a good person. Don’t let people convince you that you’re worth less because of past failures. In some cases, it’s best just to stop associating with people like that, even if it’s family. You’re worth far more than that.